About me
Welcome and thank you for visiting the ‘Before my final destiny.com’ (b4myfd) website/app.
I would like to take this opportunity to explain its purpose.
The site was created because of a very personal situation surrounding my mother’s passing. Mum was ill for a very long time. At the time of her passing different people reacted in various ways. The emotions involved at such a time can affect each individual very differently.
For many years I had lived many miles away and for some considerable time I lived abroad. I was not able to have daily conversations with mum as other members of my family did. They lived nearby and often called in for a cuppa and a chat with her.
Over the years, my mother and I had some very private and intimate conversations around the topic of her final wishes and the plan for COL (celebration of life). These details were very dear to me as the event would be a lasting memory of her for me, as it would for other members of my modestly large family (six siblings and around 12 grandchildren).
When the day came and my mother finally passed, I spoke with my father and asked him what they had arranged. He replied, "Nothing.” I repeated, "Nothing?" and he replied, "No, nothing!"
My mother had always made it clear to us all where she wanted her final resting place to be. This was a local cemetery near where we had all grown up and lived for many years.
I visited the local vicar and enquired as to the availability of a plot and a date. The vicar replied, "There are no places in our churchyard; there have not been for many years, unless your mum had previously reserved one."
This made me recoil. To think that we could not fulfil one of her most important requests was a shock to say the least. The only other option was a cemetery quite some distance away. This would have meant her being laid to rest alone in an unfamiliar place. This would not have been a happy ending for us at all and would have made us feel that we had let her down, as she had vehemently repeated, "Don't put me in that other cemetery. I do not want to go there."
The day of her funeral arrived and we managed to send her off with her wishes respected (that is another story). At the wake we spent time talking about her and regaling each other with our own personal stories and the many memories she had left us with.
Trying to summarize these events evokes many different feelings and emotions – stress, shock, denial, sadness and a need for closure. Add into that mix a limited timeframe to arrange the COL, the costs and possible family acrimonies, and sometimes it’s not a good mix.
There is also the possibility that key people are excluded from the process, perhaps because they live abroad or are estranged from the family. Plus, everyone’s recollections of a person’s last wishes may vary, and this can cause division and resentment amongst all those involved.
What this website and app hope to achieve is to make the whole process dynamic and to some point binding. For example, one may have wanted a particular song played at one’s funeral. This can be complicated at the time when people are discussing the details of the ceremony, especially when the person being celebrated is no longer there to express their definitive wishes! During the planning process there could be various suggestions or recollections of which songs should be played. Conflict can easily arise and cause tension.
The details of a COL can be many, especially considering the different combinations and type of celebration available these days. The b4myfd website and app keep everyone who is involved or invested in the planning process up to date with the most recent wishes of their loved one.
In my case, if at some point mum’s wishes had been written down and preserved in such an app, then wherever I was, I would have been sent her latest wishes if she had changed her mind about which songs she would like played, for instance. The information would have been current, and we would all have been kept up to date.
Life can change by the minute. It's only too easy to be in a situation where things can take a turn very quickly. We only have to reflect on the pandemic that we all recently experienced, when families and loved ones were sadly kept apart.
There are also medical issues that commonly affect our ability to remember details and impart them to our loved ones before it’s too late. And it is only fitting that people in nursing homes, or those who live alone (and may not have next of kin who are aware of their wishes) should have a respectful send-off.
In all of these cases, b4myfd could help.
Just before I go, I have decided not to use any particular religion or symbolism for b4myfd. Instead, I have opted for images of nature such as a glorious sunset, calming waters or beautiful landscapes. These are universal and we can all interpret them in our own way.
I really hope that this website and app can be of help to you.
Regards,
Gee
Founder of b4myfd
This is why I started B4 My Final Destiny
I come from a large family, so when my mum passed away there were lots of opinions.
At the organising stage there must have been at least 20 people who all had different opinions about what her wishes were.
Because it was an emotionally charged time it was hard, if not impossible,
for each of us to be heard or our personal story listened to, as we all had individual stories of a time that we may have chatted about the uncomfortable topic with our mother/grandmother.
Helping you to capture precious memories and end of life wishes
When faced with ill health and old age, there is a danger that the things that are important to you might get lost along the way, and sadly, there are times when memories start to disappear.
That’s why B4 My Final Destiny was created, to help you capture those precious moments, times and feelings while they are clear, and to help to protect friends and family from frustration, confusion and pain during the difficult time of your passing.
